The Peppermint Unicorn

The 5 stages of grief are said to be, Denial, Anger, Bargaining, Depression, and Acceptance. It has been 3 years and almost 3 months since my Mom died and I’m still bouncing between the first 4. I will never accept my Mom is gone.

Some people do not understand me. Well…most. They moved on when their parents died. I am glad for them. I am an only child. My Dad died when I was 12 years old. He died suddenly, with no warning, of a coronary artery event. He was in seemingly perfect health. I never recovered from his death, neither did my Mom, who never remarried. Not that she did not have chances to remarry, but she put me first in her life. Looking back I wish she had remarried. Maybe she would still be alive today, having a caring man to protect her.

Anyway, I still have not accepted my Dad’s death, 42 years ago. So I cannot see me accepting my Mom’s death either. Ever. I wish I could but I cry every day and night. I spend my time thinking about her whether I want to or not. Some memories are beautiful, and some terrifying…the ones when she was dying. The only things that take me away from those sad thoughts are my cats, fighting for Justice or studying the Mvskoke Language. I wonder what I should have done differently to help her have a better life than she had? It seems obvious now. It was not so clear to me when she was alive.

-The Peppermint Unicorn 🍬🦄